Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making
a mess of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs.
And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.
Stay away!
What sounds on earth could ever replace...
Oi!
Oi! Kids needing money or wives in your face.
Cos' this people reckon, and me included, is why
pubs and drugs were kindly invented.
To calm us all down to stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.
We are worth every penny for grinding your axes,
you shit on our head.
But you pay the taxes.
Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers
who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now.
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
Scatter.
Party...
www.addic7ed.com
No. You can't.
Her dad's in the army. We only see him on web-cam.
Em, go play outside for a bit. I'll do anything.
Mummy!
Minute, treacle.
What d'you want?
I just want L462.10 please.
You scum-bag. How can you do this?
How can you live with yourself?
'For too fucking long I've been on a road to nowhere.
'Nothing to show for meself.
'No master plan.
'Been told I was useless so much I believed it.
'Well, it's time to stop crying into my Ruby Grapefruit Breezers.
'Stuff the knockers, negative fuckers,
'voices in my head saying, "You can't."
'Yes, I can.
'I can do stuff. I've got dreams.
'And I'm gonna make 'em happen.
'Believe that! '
Micky. What are you doing?
Casualty evacuation procedure.
To the shop.
Were you trying to avoid us?
No. I love these get-togethers.
No. I love these get-togethers. You were seen wearing a dress under your uniform.
D'you like dressing up as girls, Lianne?
I don't know what you're on about and my name's Liam.
Not unless you pay the toll, Tranny-boy.
Tenner, or it's all over school.
MOBILE PHONE RING TONE
That'll be me dad. I'll bell him, back in a bit.
I'm off up the Hilton Tower, test me head for heights.
Great. Ta for the ride, gallant sir.
Liam? Love?
Oi, cloth ears!
Hey, don't take it to heart.
Lads his age can just be sensitive.
Oh, Little man! What's your sob story?
Oh, he's narky with his mum for dragging him out to put up her posters.
Nice idea, lady.
It's mad, what you think up at three in the morning, when you're doing a feed.
Here, you stick them up. I'll watch Narky.
Thanks.
What's the matter? Yes. Better.
See, I'm not really a witch.
Last five, four, three...
...two and watch out Ricky Hatton!
Allright!
It's like having The Hitman here again.
Give him some stick, Jock, or I'll never hear the last of it.
Give him some stick, Jock, or I'll never hear the last of it. No, no, Maxine I believe in giving
credit where it's due and your man's made great progress.
Of course, that's no good if you can't see a punch coming!
Still throwing the low-blows, Jock?
Amazing what a lick of paint can do.
We're definitely back on our feet so if you don't mind,
you can get off my case now, Paddy.
Keep your guard up, Gallagher.
Always.
I didn't know you knew Paddy Maguire.
Oh, yeah.
I've known him since he was a whipper-snapper on the run from Belfast.
Poor bastard never got any prettier.
Everything's all right?
Aye.
One, two, three, see...
Got any kids of your own, Libby?
Nah.
But still could, kind of.
It's Frank.
Not so "creative" any more.
Shit. All the boozing finally had an effect?
No, his stomach's lined with asbestos.
He had the... after Stella.
Frank Gallagher, denying mankind his seed? I don't think so.
Sadly, it's true.
The most pain he's ever felt.
Should see the scar.
The one from the electric shock to his balls?
Huh?
I've heard the stitches story enough to know he would never
let a doctor down there.
You know vasectomies can be reversed.
It's, it's never you know that successfully...
you, you hear all sorts of stories... It's, it's uncomfortable.
More uncomfortable than 100 volts to the knackers?
You never got snipped. Bastard.
You told me that you couldn't, biologically, so,
you know, a moment of compassion, I told you I couldn't.
But we can, artificially. I froze my eggs, Frank.
They're in a clinic, asking to be fertilised.
And you're going to give me what I want.
Am I, fuck!
Well, I'll just find myself a real man then.
Good luck.
Hey, you don't mess with nature.
Have we learned nothing from Dolly the sheep?
Time.
Manual dexterity, in your face!
Pow! Pow!
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Don't you know I'min training?
Training for what, The Krypton Factor?
I have never seen hands move that quick since that time I went round to Home Alone's!
Piss off, you fucking wank-stain.
You want to get down lan's boxing club. Take some of that out on a bag.
Yeah there's some good joining-up offers.
I'm fine. I don't need your charity.
He's been like that since we got back.
It's like treading on fucking eggshells here.
Three months till they're past their sell-by date?!
What are my options?
And if I don't fertilise or donate?
Right.
I best decide then.
That's why you lifted me earlier!
You can't tell anyone. This is for me.
I've been short listed. I just have to get pass the assessment day.
Oh, great. Well, everything crossed.
Yeah, nice one.
You know what it's like when you want something so bad?
Well, it just feels right, it doesn't scare me. I'm calm in crisis.
I look well fit in uniform.
Nothing's going to stop me getting this.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Numbnuts, got a job for you. Grab a pen.
I can't. I'm busy.
Take down this address or I'll get busy on your face, you insolent fuck.
Ready?
Yeah.
Game?
How about we make it more interesting?
If I win, you come check out the boxing club with me.
And when I win?
You get your ego boost. Job done.
But no-one beats me round here. I own this fucker. Yeah.
Nah. Stuff your deal.
Chesney, wait.
It took me ages to get over that Jimmy crap
and I know he scared the shit out of you when he chased you off the estate.
You can't let it send you under.
The only way to get your confidence back is to learn how
to look after yourself, and you can cos Jock makes you feel unbeatable.
Next time some fucker comes at me, or takes the piss,
I'm ready for him.
Let me go and fetch him.
Jock... found you a new recruit.
What's going on?
Oh, nothing.
Fuck nothing. Your face...
I'm fine, lan. All right, leave it.
Shit.
Who's this?
Chesney, my mate. He was after boxing lessons.
Golden rule, pick your fights.
I caught the bugger a beauty. I cut him, too.
He'll be uglier than you in the morning!
Well, if you will walk into doors!
He didn't. He walked into a jab, from Jock.
You what?
He hit me. I was defending meself.
He owes me Dad three grand.
I had to give him a warning. Orders, innit.
You could've said no! He's an old man!
Tell Paddy to give him more time.
That's between them.
I'm not asking, Micky.
But he won't listen to me.
Fine. Pack your stuff, get out.
Lan?
That was my last ever job.
I'm done with all that. Big changes, from tomorrow.
You'll be doing his dirty work forever and you know it. Go on.
Fuck off!
This show is set up for the Maguires. Talent to spare, us.
Jamie, you've got a lovely voice. Shane, unbelievable contortionist.
I was ten years old.
I'm not so nimble any more.
Yeah, I have to suck his cock!
How about you, Mimi?
You can carry a tune, can't ya?
Been known to, best daughter-in-law.
Been known to murder a few, too.
Committed more crimes in the shower than Norman Bates! What's she like?!
LAUGHTER
The clinic say my eggs are going off.
If I want children, it's now or never, Frank.
This has come out of nowhere.
You, you've sprung it on us.
Can I, can I have time to give it the thought that it deserves?
I need your decision, Frank. Tomorrow.
And cough.
Oh, aaah!
OK there?
Aah! Ooh!
And cough.
Mr Maguire?
Yeah...
Dry mouth, bit nervous, you know.
Perving on me now?
No.
That was really good. You could make real money doing that.
That was really good. You could make real money doing that. Shut up.
Serious.
What are you doing?
Don't you want me to?
But... I thought...
You liked?
God bless librarians.
This what you looking for?
I was just checking to see if this clinic's legit.
There's a lot of quacks about, Lib, preying on vulnerable women.
Don't make out you care, Frank.
I, I...
You just want to scramble my eggs!
I... I don...
Oh!
You've got a family here.
Can't we just make do?
She loves you to bits.
What happens when she gets to Liam's age, and she hates my guts?
Why do you think I want one of my own?
CRASHING
Liam! What happened? Who's done that to your hair?
Where is he? Where's my little man? Say the word, and it's fucking war.
Me and you, kid. Kelly's heroes.
Sorry, we are trying to resolve this sensibly, as a family.
Where are you at in your resolution?
We're at cease fire.
You're letting them off? This is the Chatsworth, love. We do eye for eye.
Yeah, so everyone's blinded? Good example!
For the love of God, Liam's sitting there.
Why don't you try asking him what he wants?
I just want it to stop.
♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon
♪ You come and go
♪ You come and go oh, oh, oh
♪ Loving would be easy if your colours were like my dreams
♪ Red, gold and green Red, gold and green... ♪
How long have you been there?
Long enough to know
your ex was talking out of his bum hole last night.
Paddy was just showing off.
He didn't mean any of it.
It still hurt.
He used to love my singing.
Said I had the voice of an angel.
Why care what he thinks?
Can't just stop the habit of a lifetime.
I really think you should enter the show.
No.
Nana's saving all her songs for her new man.
You have the luxury of showing Micky the door.
Not so easy for family.
Did he say why I kicked him out?
Nope. And seeing him with that face and those bin bags
didn't put me in a talky mood.
Jock's a good man, Paddy.
He can't do enough for kids around here,
and he lives for that boxing club.
You know nothing about that two-faced cunt.
Just give him another week.
A week?! I could give him a lifetime, and he'd still default.
He's shite with money, but he always spends his way out of trouble.
Now, does that seem sensible?
No, it's naive.
He's out of his depth.
Tell him I'll be round tomorrow, with a van, to gut the place.
MOBILE PHONE BUZZING
Don't be mad. Don't shout at me.
Hiya, Dad, how's it going?
Why's your phone been off, numpty?
'Because I'm on an assessment course for the fire brigade.'
Yeah? That's not bad for you.
Now, listen, get your arse over here, I need you to find a van.
No, I'm serious. I'm going to be a fireman.
You?
Yeah.
Do you have any references?
If someone was asking me,
I'd say you'd raised the bar in bungling,
and I only keep you cos you're cheap. Fireman, my arse!
LAUGHTER
Bad reception, innit?
Float... Sting.
Are you hitting this hard cos it's me?
Are you hitting this hard cos it's me? Too right.
Boy's a quick learner.
We'll get him working on the footwork tomorrow.
Paddy Maguire's coming to shut you down tomorrow.
He's got it in for you for some reason.
Hey, hey, hey! Keep your gloves up!
D'you know who you're dealing with?
Course I do.
Then why get into debt?
He said I could pay him back when it was good for me. Mates rates.
That man's always promised me the earth and then let me down.
He said you've got form for throwing money at problems.
This gym always comes first.
Paddy Maguire was my great hope.
He was raw, but as tough as I've ever seen.
He just couldn't be tamed.
His father had just died. He wanted to fight the world,
go out in a blaze of glory, just like him.
And I took that anger...
...and I showed him how to use it, and I made him believe.
But he didn't want to be a fighter.
He just wanted to be feared.
I know exactly what I'm up against, son.
Hey, Ches!
Hey, hey, hey, all right, all right.
Jock,
Ricky Hatton, you still in touch?
Sure, yeah, yeah.
Get him to make an appearance! We'll sell tickets and clear your debt.
I, I can't ask him to do that.
The lad's got too many commitments.
Jock, stuff pride!
Paddy's going to clear this place out.
Call the Hitman. I'll do the rest.
Liam, One last piece with your name on it.
I'm wasting away!
Yeah!
Wait, wait.
What can I do?
You're trying too hard to be liked. Nothing kids hate more.
Thank you, mother.
No, she's right, for once.
Monica felt bad after the first bunk,
so she made a bit of an effort to get onside, right?
Yeah, then she fucked off again.
Meaning, Liam's seen it all before.
It's all about trust, yeah? I've had to earn it, time and again.
Nobody trusts you.
How do I make that happen?
Just stick around.
Just be there for him.
Come on, come on!
Give it up, son. You'll never make it.
Oh! That's it!
OK.
Head right.
ALL: Head right.
Extend the ladder.
Well done, Maguire.
Let's go.
Great stuff there, that's it.
Bring your giro money, cos we'll be raffling off fight memorabilia.
How much would you say you loved me?
You want keep going a bit more there, pal.
I spoke to the hospital press officer to make some calls.
It's going out everywhere. Papers, radio.
Ricky Hatton's coming back to Chatsworth to save his old club.
No way!
Fucking hell. Quality!
Pint.
Sure.
♪ Chatsworth's burning Chatsworth's burning
♪ Fetch the engine Fetch the engine
♪ Fire, fire! Fire, fire!
♪ Pour on water Pour on water... ♪
SCREAMS
Whoooaaa!
Do you think that's funny?
Making me look stupid, in front of all these people?
I'm your son.
Beat my drum, Dad, don't beat me into the fucking ground.
Take your foot off me head.
Have you any idea how much that hurts?
Every time you put me down...
...I bleed.
I've got fucking scars on top of scars, me.
How am I meant to deal with that, eh, Dad?
Be a man and deal with it.
Get him another drink. You'll pass next time.
Who says I failed?
I'm going to be a fireman.
But you'll always be a bitter cunt.
Deal with that!
Different class, Libby.
Proud to call that breakfast English.
First for you, not burning the rashers.
You need to cut Libby some slack, pal.
Come on, do it for me. I'd appreciate it.
She's fucking broody, isn't she?
That's disgusting.
All right, easy!
Listen, I'm with you. I just think that if you
were a bit more accepting, she wouldn't be as needy.
Libby.
My guitar.
Would you like a lift to school?
In a fucking ice-cream van?!
I'll walk him in.
Oh, the escort girl?
I could always give it a miss?
No way! No fucking danger!
OK, Liam. Apart from jibbing school, what would you prefer?
I'll go on my own. It's my problem. Maybe they'll get bored and give up.
Get on. I'll give you a backy.
Then what, another kicking?
I'm trying to make up for that. Hurry.
Put your hands round me.
Liam I don't want a wank. You'll fall off otherwise.
Just don't get your hopes up!
It's not my hopes you need to worry about.
BOYS SHOUT
Left.
Down a bit your end, lan.
Lower, lower.
What you trying to say?!
It's shit.
You fetch the punters in and leave the look to me.
Oi, you putting this up or what?
Fancy a fuck, skinny boy? Eh? (LAUGHS)
You think you're fucking funny?
Ches, just leave it out! Leave it out!
Ches, just leave it out! Leave it out! What you saying?
Do that again, I'll cave your face in!
Do that again, I'll cave your face in! Walk with me!
Fuck off!
Carl, don't!
Fuck off! Carl, don't! No fighting in here!
What, in a boxing club?
What, in a boxing club? What the fuck's all the shouting about? Nothing.
Everything's fine.
I don't want to fight him anyway, he's my best mate.
When all that shit happened, you had them there for ya.
Who did I have?
Me.
I've always got your back, bruv.
Look, we're here for you, Chesney. Any time.
He had no right having a go at me.
I've never stood in the way of any of my kids.
Never encouraged them either.
Stopped supporting altogether.
D'you even know the meaning of family any more?
There's benefits to having a fireman in the family, though.
We'll pass the health and safety every time.
Bit rich, hitting me with the family stick...
...when you fucked off and we were all over the place.
Fine. Let's get together later, the lot of us,
and you can watch me murder a song in the talent show. That sound good?
Right. D'you want the bad news or the bad news?
Right. D'you want the bad news or the bad news? Don't start, Micky.
Go on, son. Give us your assessment.
As your appointed Fire Safety Officer,
it is my duty to highlight hazards and make recommendations.
Such as?
Closing down. The place is a death-trap.
You need to act now or there will be casualties.
You what?
Right. You've just been promoted to Talent Show Superintendent.
Fix the problems, monitor the acts tonight and then we'll, um...
We'll get you a new tabard.
You've only gone and done it, champ.
Let's wait till the real star shows up, eh?
Ricky's the ultimate showman. He'll be building anticipation.
I just hope he feels at home in his Hatton Wonderland.
I'll check on Jock. He's a bag of fucking nerves back there.
Good job you're on the money, eh?
All right, Joe?
Hatton! Hatton!
(CROWD CHANT) Hatton! Hatton!
"You're such a chancer.
Just staying one step ahead of everyone else, Karen.
Life's all about making the most of your opportunities.
But how far are you prepared to go, Joe?
You'd take Ricky Hatton?
He'd kill you, one punch.
I'm saying, if we met down an alley while he was in between fights...
Bang, bang, bang! I don't think he'd live with my lightning jab.
Undefeated in the ring.
Undefeated in the ring. You got sparked out, your last fight.
For money. If Paddy Maguire says to take a dive, you hit the deck.
Why don't you show this lot that jab? Exhibition match, till Ricky shows?
Nah, you're all right.
Wuss.
Marquee act, not performing monkey.
I'll do it. Stick me in the ring.
No. I'll get one of the members to do it.
No. I'll get one of the members to do it. Lan, I can do it.
It's too soon. There's nobody your standard or weight.
What about him?
Nails?
I'll tag-team if you're struggling.
Oh, it's Wales all over again.
BELL RINGS, CROWD CHEERS
Right! Get in that corner!
You all right? Yeah? You sure you're OK?
Yeah?
CHEERING
Woo!
Ricky sends his apologies. It's nobody's fault.
Ricky sends his apologies. It's nobody's fault. Load of bollocks.
Lan...
Jock doesn't even know Hatton.
What?
Lad fought here once as an amateur.
Gobshite's been spinning that story since.
Gobshite's been spinning that story since. That's rubbish.
I drank with the boy.
Got him a pint to ask to name the gym after him, the fucking user.
What were you thinking, Jock? Why did you let me go through with it?
I didn't know it was going to get like this, did I?
All this press and the radio. And you were so up to it, and you'd been so supportive.
I didn't have it in me to let you down!
I didn't have it in me to let you down! Shite! You don't care about him.
It's only ever about you, you pathetic fucking traitor.
Paddy, no! Leave him! No! Look, leave him!
He's done. You've won. It's over.
I'm going to leave you as you left me -
without a hope in the fucking world!
This is it, Maguire.
Pass this, you're one of us.
Come on, mate. Fucking show 'em.
DOOR SLAMS
What's going on?
It's all part of the test.
Working in confined spaces, go on.
'Are you stuck there son, hmmm? Struggling? '
Oh, he's gone.
Get out of my head.
If you're in difficulty, raise your hand.
(FATHER'S VOICE MUFFLED) Raise your hand.
(TO HIMSELF) Just stay calm and you're in.
You're running out of time, Maguire.
'Daddy's here,
'just say the word.'
You can do this.
Believe.
MUSIC PLAYS
Why is your dad so fucking bitter?
We need more people like you to stand up to the fucker.
It's not worth it. There'll only ever be one winner.
Says the trainee fireman?
APPLAUSE
They're rubbish compared to you.
Popular, though.
We all loved Feral.
Give them some competition. Make yourself popular.
If I did it my way, I'd get destroyed.
Crap. It's OK to dance differently.
But what did the judges think?
A trillion percent yes!
That's what this competition is all about.
Thank you, Patty.
Just be who you are.
OK, here is Flame Phil. Woo-ha!
Was it good, then?
Making Jock suffer?
Why even give him a loan if you hate his guts and knew he'd default on it?
Lan, how do you think lenders make money?
By making a fucking killing out of failure.
Yeah, well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?
Sorry?
You enjoy watching people fuck up. You pick on them till they do.
I think you do it to feel better about yourself.
Walk away, lan. While you can.
How much for that boxing gear?
What?
I'll buy it back off ya.
Let it go, son. You don't have that kind of money.
A grand.
It's worth treble.
And it's used. 1,500.
Why the fuck are you doing this?
I want to keep the boxing club open.
It might not have suited you, but it's been good to me.
Is that what you heard? Is that what Jock told you - it didn't suit me?
Yeah.
Cos you never wanted to fight fair.
You'll be pouring it down the drain.
That club's jinxed.
(AUDIENCE) Woo!
Jock doesn't deserve a fucking lifeline.
I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for lads like me.
CROWD APPLAUDS
CHEERING
Thanks, Micky. Sorry about that.
Have you decided what you're gonna sing yet?
You really know chuff-all about kids! Liam's rivals are here.
Snidey little bastards. They'll crucify him.
I know. I didn't put him up to it.
I'll try and talk him out of it.
Wait. Let me.
(DROWNED OUT BY CHEERS)
You've never performed in front of the family, let alone the Chatsworth.
And you can't make a guitar hip-hop.
Did you fix this so I'd play again, or to score points?
No!
I mean, of course I want you to play, for yourself.
I care. I care about all of you. Even your bloody dad!
Why? He's rubbish at everything.
And as soon as you realise that, you'll leave.
And as soon as you realise that, you'll leave. I won't.
I know what I've bought into.
It may not seem perfect, but what is?
God, look at the baggage I lug about.
I think we both need each other.
Why not give us a chance, eh?
Now our next act must really fancy his chances,
playing acoustic guitar.
You don't need to do this, love!
Yeah, I do.
It's our Liam Gallagher!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
NERVOUS STRUMMING
(ALL): Off, off, off!
Get off!
HIP-HOP RHYTHM
CONFIDENT STRUMMING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Our Dean, get off that table, you poof!
LAUGHTER AND JEERS
Shut up!
Don't you dare.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
lan, you've got to come, it's Jock!
Micky, now!
Fucking stupid bastard!
Jock?
(SINGS FLAT): # Hold your head up high... #
Well done! That's the winner! Congratulations.
HALF-HEARTED APPLAUSE
You put them up to this?
That's your idea of bleeding support?!
♪ And don't be afraid
♪ Of the dark... ♪
Jock. It's lan. Hold on, we'll get you out of there!
Lan, no! It's not safe. Tell him!
Noooo!
♪ At the end of the storm
♪ Is a golden sky
♪ And the sweet silver song
♪ Of the lark
♪ Walk on through the wind
♪ Walk on through the rain
♪ Though your dreams be
♪ Tossed and blown
♪ Walk on, walk on
♪ With hope in your heart
♪ And you'll never walk alone
♪ You'll never walk alone. ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You don't deserve friends like these.
What the fuck happened between you two?
Will you tell him, or shall I?
It was a long time ago.
And neither of us came out of it with any credit.
Doesn't matter.
Needs telling.
Bastard hung me out to dry.
Said he'd taken me as far as he could,
but he was lying out of his arse.
He was being bankrolled by gangsters, and when they needed muscle,
they got the best of his stable.
That Judas...
...gave me up,
after treating me like... f-f-fucking...
I tried to send you back to your mother.
I couldn't go back to Belfast. I was a dead man there!
You knew that.
Knew I wanted away from that shite. You should have stuck up for me.
But you dropped me right back in it, you weak fuck.
I was just a boy.
I was never gonna be good enough to be a contender,
but I had a shot at being decent.
Not bad.
Instead, I've just been a fucking letdown.
I'm so sorry, son.
I'm not gonna be a fireman.
I failed.
My last test.
I lied.
I just...
I just wanted to get one over on you, Dad.
Fuck sake, son, who cares?
You're a hero.
Better man than I'll ever fucking be.
'I never used to know what people meant
'when they said, "I don't feel meself."
'I'd be like, "Really, not even a tickle?"
'I had no idea it was about how happy they were, in themselves.
'Confidence is like love, innit?
'We all want some, but it's hard to hold on to.
'Some get lucky. They're born sure.
'Bastards.
'Others find their feet eventually, after a lot of tumbles.
'And then there's them ones who get a buzz when they achieve stuff.
'But they're up and down.
'The rest have one good day where they can take on the world,
'but mostly crap ones.
'Thing is, since I started believing a bit more,
'I have been "feeling myself",
'fucking loads.
'And it feels mega! '
www.addic7ed.com
A prisoner in your own body, your only escape, your only release.
In your dreams. Maybe miracles don't just happen to other people.
Shit!
Your dad's in the Jockey.
Count this as a warning, Daddy dearest.
Or what?
I'm sick of being told what to do! Now you're gonna do some listening!
Father Francis. Here for the cure.
Jesus!